Walking Alone....

hi blog<3 long time no see.... i'm sorry for abandoning you for so long... and i'm sorry to have returned on such a depressing note.. sigh.. once again got my heart crushed.. i truly had better expectations than what's playing out with doof. i can't believe he would just do this to me. i seriously thought you were better than that. i want to text you soo bad. but risk getting hurt when you won't respond. what to do? are we friends? if we were, than why can 't i just text you.. did these 6 months really mean nothing to you.. why would u do this.... from my impression of you, u were such a kind person, and would be so considerate of others.. am i just really foolish? so this is how we end. with u not responding to me again.... 6 months was nothing... why do you put me in such an awkward position. why would you start something you couldn't finish. why did you have to push it past the friends border... why why why ... and then you pull this.. im so stupid.. my friends think i'm foolish for missing you.. after you've done this to me.. but why do i still miss u.... i hate myself for missing you... for wanting something that wasn't mine in the first place.. but somehow i knew this was coming all along.. and yet i still went with it... stupid.... of me... for believing you... for wanting to believe you.... and i still can't believe im still debating whether or not to text you today... part of me just wants to let it go.... afterall you've gone weeks without so much as a text... but then part of me just doesn't want to let go... since we invested so many months talking.....and somehow i feel like u are a close friend...... i have mixed feelings... i don't wanna let go of our friendship...........yet i'm hurting too much......what do i want? what should i do?